Let It Go

I read. A lot.

I listen to podcasts.

I get newsletters much like the one you’re reading now.

Why?

To be completely honest I’m terrified of dying and often feel an immense pressure of packing as much in as possible.

Gain knowledge. Make progress. Repeat.

No moment wasted. Everything optimized.

I generally enjoy it. At least I think I do.

I’m a curious dude, and my naturally competitive nature pushes me to maximize my energy output and attention. I don’t really casually do anything — I go all in.

Until I inevitably hit a wall.

A wall where picking up a book feels painful, podcasts make me want to smash my phone into tiny pieces, and I have a strong urge to unsubscribe from all my newsletters. A wall where I’d rather do just about anything than listen to one more motherfucker tell me how he has it all figured out.

That’s where I’m at right now.

Let me tell you what I did last week:

I watched about 10 Disney movies, read a handful of kid’s books, doodled with no intention, and went on a few long drives.

Initially this made my brain think I was wasting time, like I should be listening to Impact Theory instead of watching Frozen II. Like every day I read a kids’ book instead of learning a new life-hack as I inch towards death is a day wasted.

But I played forward.

Once I got over the guilt of thinking I should be doing “more”, I was gifted with a wave of relaxation coupled with a slew of new creative ideas, and this feeling of clarity. I felt like I did when I was a kid and used to wander around the playground and daydream about my secret life as a Gundam pilot.

It was a great reminder that my brain needs space to be at its best. That I have more in common with artists than I do high-performing CEOs. That children's stories have all the lessons that adults need to hear. That I like having some free time to dream!

I struggle with a lot of what I write being painfully obvious. Yes, we all need our own unique mix of intentional productivity and free time. It just seems that as we get older that free time often comes with a side serving of guilt. Is it self imposed? Societal pressure? Idolization and modeling of people who do spectacular things but at their core are dysfunctional and probably complete assholes? I don’t know.

Maybe I’m the only one who struggles with feeling like they need to go full-throttle all the time, but if you’re with me, welcome to your virtual support group. We’re giving you permission to try out a few days of no strings attached and see how it goes.